


How to Break a Heart (aka University Year 1)

by missgnutmeg, science_weasels



Series: Start Another Story [2]
Category: Captain America (Movies), Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Amputation, BROT3, F/M, M/M, Minor Character Death, Natasha Kicks Ass, Steve no, Triggers, disabilities everywhere, mild violence, sad Steve
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-08-16
Updated: 2014-11-06
Packaged: 2018-02-13 09:00:54
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 8,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2144841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missgnutmeg/pseuds/missgnutmeg, https://archiveofourown.org/users/science_weasels/pseuds/science_weasels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Born from <a href="http://missgnutmeg.tumblr.com/post/91149039252%22%22">this post</a> floating on tumblr. Steve, Bucky, and Natasha are best friends heading into their first year of college. Natasha and Clint are dating! Bucky gets into an abusive relationship. Steve falls for all the wrong guys.</p><p> </p><p>WARNING FOR POTENTIAL EVERYTHING TRIGGERS - I have the explicit label for potential  triggers far more than the one (currently) planned sex scene. This story talks about disabilities and bullying and sickness and self-harm and all sorts of unpleasantries. These are not things that should be ignored, but please be aware of your own needs. We welcome and encourage discussion.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wishful Beginnings

University. It's still more than a little terrifying to Steve. He's beyond amazed that he managed not only to get into the art program at the school he wanted, but to be at the same school as his two best friends. And thank God for that. He was so sure he was going to lose Natasha after prom, but they'd survived. Because they did love each other, just not _that_ way. And that was something new about this year, too. He was _out of the closet_ , finally honest to himself and his friends about his feelings.

Well, he hadn't actually admitted his high school crush on Bucky but they both seemed to figure it out, and he cared enough not to push at it since Bucky clearly like girls. This year he'd get to meet new people, maybe even find someone he could actually fall in love with the romantic way. Steve had always had quite the romantic side, though he probably wouldn't have thought to call it that.

 

"Stevie? You ready?" Natasha's voice breaks him from his thoughts and he looks up to his friend with a smile.

"Yeah, sorry. What movie are you dragging me to again?"

She smiles, coming over to take his elbow. "Oh, I don't know. One of those superhero things. Bucky seemed really keen on it and you know how hard it is to talk him out of anything."

Did he ever.

"Did you get your class schedule yet?"

"Yeah." Steve grins. "Lot of morning classes, but I like that. What's yours like? We should compare to figure out when we can hang out. I'm going to need someone to pose for me so I can practice, you know."

Natasha makes a face. "You don't mean naked, do you?"

"God no." Steve goes bright red. "I mean. You're gorgeous, and you know if I liked girls you'd be- no. Sorry."

"Clint would kill you anyway." She laughs lightly.

Steve starts breathing again. "Thank you. I'm sorry. I. You're my favourite?" He holds his arms out in the offer of a hug.

She hugs him tightly. “I forgive you, stop feeling guilty. You are going to guilt-trip yourself to death and then what will I do?”

“Probably take it out on Bucky.” Steve sighs and shrugs into her grip.

 

### 

 

Of his classes, Steve has to admit he probably enjoys Life Drawing the most. He blushes when the models first disrobe but they at least keep their underwear on, for now, so he’s alright. He’s trying to explain the class to Bucky one day as they walk to their dorm room together when he notices a light bruise on Bucky’s neck.

“New girlfriend?” He raises an eyebrow and indicates the bruise.

“Huh?” Bucky puts a hand over his neck. “Oh. Yeah. She’s really something.”

“Unhuh…?”

Bucky grins. “Okay, okay, her name is Nebula. We met in Poli Sci. She has a sister, if you’re interested.”

“No, Buck. Still not going back to girls.” Steve reddens around the edges. “If I’m not interested in Tash, I don’t think any girl is going to help.”

“Your loss.” Bucky shrugs.

Steve shakes his head with a small smile. “Not really.”

 

### 

 

Steve’s statement to Bucky is reinforced when he sees the next model for Life Drawing. Dark hair, dark eyes, and quite the curious personality.

“Hi, I’m Tony Stark and I’m thrilled to strip for you.”

Steve blushes more than usual in this class.

Tony jokes a lot with all the students but Steve tries to stay out of it, sitting in the back corner. One of the reach-ahead High School students, a boy named Phil, sits next to Steve.

“You’re really good. Is this your major?”

“Uh, yeah. Thanks.” Steve glances over at the boy. He has brown hair and is wearing a dress shirt and slacks. “Phil, right?”

“Yup. And I mean it, you are amazing. That looks like a photograph.”

Another blush attacks Steve’s cheeks. “Thank you. It’s just practice, really.”

“I wish I was that good.” The younger man smiles hopefully.

Steve smiles back. “I’m sure you will be. Here Look.”. Steve leans over, putting his hand over Phil’s to show him some hatching techniques to improve his drawing. 

“Thanks.” Now it’s Phil’s turn to blush a little. “Thanks, Steve. You’re pretty amazing.”

“Nah.” Steve shrugs and looks up to Tony again, to see he’s changed positions. He stares at the model, perhaps a bit longer than he needs to, before flipping to a clean page. He’s about to start a new drawing when he notices Tony wink at him. Wink. At. Him. Just in case he hadn’t blushed enough today.

Steve quickly looks down to focus on his work. Which is suddenly becoming more difficult. He finds himself in need of crossing his legs and thinking about Uncle Sam, Shark documentaries, Eleanor Roosevelt, anything that isn’t that trim body he’s supposed to be drawing.

Phil gives him a weird look. “You okay?”

“Uh. Yeah.” His ears are tinged pink. This class can’t end soon enough.


	2. Call Home

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve calls his ma, and there's some problem with campus security.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We don't like bullies around here.

“Hey Tasha, you free tonight?”

“Sorry, Stevie, Clint’s coming over tonight.”

“Oh, okay. Call me later?”

“Yeah.”

Steve hangs up the phone and tries not to feel too jealous. He’d led her on. For six months. He’s lucky she even talks to him anymore. He has no right to feel jealous about her being with her actual boyfriend who can actually make her happy. But he does.

He sighs and wishes Bucky were not out on date, too. Why does everyone have to have dates? Steve pouts and tosses his phone on the bed before throwing himself there, too. After a few minutes, he picks up the phone again and dials.

“Hey, ma?”

“How’re you feeling today? Cough’s not too bad, is it?”

“No, no. I miss you.”

“Dinner? Yeah, I’ll see if Bucky or Tash wanna come.”

He holds the phone away from his ear as his mother coughs. “That’s not sounding good. When do you see your doctor?”

“Okay. Good.”

“I will. Promise.”

“Yeah. For sure. Bye ma, I love you.”

As he hangs up, he’s actually feeling worse instead of better. She seems to be getting sicker far too quickly. It scares him.

He hopes Bucky gets back soon.

 

###

 

“So you’re telling me this young man with only one arm was able to knock you down and bloody your nose? Or was it the tiny one who looks like he’ll fall apart if you breathe on him?” The campus security guard looks over the rather buff young man who was trying to report Bucky and Steve to him.

The young man shifts his eyes, suddenly realizing how ridiculous it all sounds. “Uh…?”

“Sir, this man was so busy ridiculing my friend’s prosthetic arm that he tripped.” Steve points out politely. 

Bucky nods. “I can’t help this, man. My arm was ripped off by a train.”

Now the buff guy is looking embarrassed, he decides to go with Steve’s story. “Sorry, yeah, must’ve been a mix up. I’ll just go.”

The guard nods, and dismisses them all. “Stay out of trouble, boys.”

Steve and Bucky exchange a look. It’s not very likely that they’ll behave if people act like assholes.

 

### 

 

Natasha taps her finger on her chin. She looks from side to side. She strokes her chin. Finally she pushes the button for the package of gum and it drops into the bottom of the machine.

Steve is staring at her as she pops a piece into her mouth. “Want one?”

“How does that take so long? You always get the same kind.” 

“Maybe I’ll want a different one this time? I have to make sure.”

“Right.” Steve rolls his eyes. “When’s your next class?”

She checks her watch and blows a large pink bubble. “Half hour, but it’s close by.”

“Well, I’ll walk you.” He hooks their elbows together and lets her lead the way. “Are you free Friday? Ma invited you over for dinner.”

“Just me? Doesn’t she love you anymore?”

“Haha, Nat. You know what I mean.”

“Yeah… how’s she doing, anyway?” They turn a corner.

Steve frowns and rubs his neck. “I don’t know. Her cough sounds worse. She said she’s going in for a bunch of tests next week. I really hope they figure this all out.”

“Me too.” They stop in front of a classroom. “This is me.” Natasha pauses. “Steve, you know I’m here, right? For anything.”

He offers her a sad smile. “I know. You’re like the sister I always wished I had.”

“And Bucky’s the dumb best friend you’ll never be rid of. Don’t worry. We’ll take care of you. Everything will be fine.”


	3. Not Okay

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve talks about his problems with Bucky, and then we get a Clintasha smut scene.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Nori/science_weasels has asked me to point out that trying to explain to your significant other (who is on another continent) that you are distracted by writing smut can be rather awkward. I made up for it by writing like 3 more chapters for her to adjust/add to. (I love my co-author <3 nutmeg)

Everything is not fine. The tests had come back showing that his mother has alpha-1 antitrypsin deficiency. Which meant Steve had to get tested too. His tests have the same result. Which means Steve may some day get just as sick as his mother.

He looks at the paperwork in his hands and shakes his head. Bucky moves over to sit on the bed next to him. “What does it mean?”

“She’s really sick, Buck. Really sick. Possibly dying. And I have it too.”

“Hey, hey. It’s okay, kid. We’ll get through this. I’m with you ‘til the end of the line.” Bucky puts his arm around Steve’s shoulder and hugs him tight.

Steve nods and rests his head against Bucky’s shoulder. “I don’t know what to tell Tasha.”

Bucky strokes Steve’s hair. “Don’t, not unless you have to. Tell her what your ma’s got, but we’re not going to worry about you. You might not even get sick, right?”

“Maybe.” Steve shrugs. “It’s hard to say.”

“You won’t.” Bucky is firm.

 

###

 

"Booooooored" Clint lays on the bed, flicking up a ball and catching it again.

Natasha rolls her eyes. "Shut up."

"BOOOOOORED"

She pokes him in the ribs. "You'll wake my neighbour."

"*BOOOORED*"

"I'm going to hit you with a pillow if you don't stop."

"*BOOOOR-* ow!" Clint winces and covers his head with his arms.

"Told you."

"Stop hitting me!"

"You're going to have to make me."

"Careful, we've still got those handcuffs from Bucky around here somewhere.”

“What han-” Natasha’s eyes go wide as Clint fishes them out from under the bed and quickly gets her one wrist. “No. Nonono.”

“‘Kay.” Clint hooks the other end to the bed so Natasha is unable to move away from the bed.

“Clint…” Natasha tugs at the cuff and finds it quite secure. “What do you have planned?”

“Nothing you wouldn’t approve of.” Which, considering they’re lying naked in her bed is a pretty fair assessment. 

Clint leans in and starts kissing along her stomach. He pauses to bite down roughly shaking his teeth a bit to leave a good mark. 

“Careful.” Natasha grunts. 

Clint makes a show of turning off his hearing aids and setting them on the bedside table. Then he bites again. Then he moves to her thigh for one more. The nails of Natasha’s free hand dig into Clint’s shoulder while he licks a wet path from her thigh up to her breasts. His mouth concentrates on to the right nipple while his hand moves to clasp and massage the left breast. Once he has Natasha squirming, his mouth switches to the other side while he lets his hand slide to between her legs. 

“ _Bozhe moy._ ” Natasha moans, and then there is no more talking, fingers twining into Clint’s hair to massage his scalp. She opens her legs at the pressure of Clint’s hand, and gasps as his fingers push inside of her. 

She twists beneath him, searching for his mouth with hers. The kiss is full of heat and passion, the novelty of her unique position exciting them both. 

“Please.” She signs as the kiss ends, arching her body upwards to press against him. He grins with mischief and grabs her other hand, pinning it above her head and holding it firmly in place as he begins to massage her clit. She closes her eyes in bliss, toes curling as Clint eases his way inside of her.

Clint thrusts and Natasha bucks, pulling tight against the handcuffs. The headboard bumps against the wall, and then again as he pushes himself deeper, revelling in the feel of Natasha’s body against his. 

She rocks her hips in tandem with his movements, and he groans, feeling his cock begin to throb. “You’re perfect.” He whispers, bending down to kiss her forehead. 

Natasha responds with a feral grin and wraps her legs around his waist, pulling him deeper inside of her and causing his eyes to widen. She may not have use of her hands, but she has other ways of getting what she wants. 

Clint begins to move with renewed enthusiasm, spurred on by the fire in his lover’s eyes, wordlessly encouraging him to the brink of climax. He comes with an almost-scream so loud the neighbor pounds on the wall and threatens to call campus security. 

“He’s Deaf, he can’t hear you!” Natasha yells back, laughing as Clint flops on the bed next to her. 

“We should do this again.” Clint says, once he’s recovered his breath enough to speak. Natasha nods, attempting to snuggle closer to him.

“I agree. Now are you going to unlock me?” She asks, shaking her still-handcuffed wrist.

“Maybe?”

“Clint Barton, I know 13 different ways to kill you one-handed.”


	4. Dizzy

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Steve looks for distractions from his mother's illness.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We didn't mean to leave you hanging quite so long. Have a Steve-heavy chapter.

The bus ride back to the dorm from his mother’s house used to be relaxing. Steve would be coming back with a bag of home-made goodies. But ma hasn’t been up to it, lately. More often he’s making things for her while he’s there. If things don’t change he may even end up moving back in before too long, even if it is terribly inconvenient for school.

He sighs, looks at his hands. The news from the doctors hasn’t been good this week. His mother has been added to the waiting list for a lung transplant. It’s a long list. He prays his mother has enough time.

A sigh. A bell. The bus pulls over.

Steve gets off the bus and starts the walk back to his dorm. He’s not sure what to do anymore. His world is changing so fast around him.

He’s dizzy.

Steve collapses to the sidewalk coughing, wheezing. _God, asthma attack._ He reaches into his bag for his inhaler.

He begins to breathe again.

 

### 

 

“That all you got?” Steve spits out blood and wipes his mouth with his sleeve. “C’mon!”

Punches are traded and Steve is certainly not looking like he’ll come out the victor. He’s shoved to the ground but before he’s able to pick himself up, he can hear Bucky’s voice.

“Hey, pick on someone your own size!”

The boy is yanked away but Steve doesn’t see what else happens to him before there’s a Bucky looming over him. Bucky offers his hand and Steve takes it to pull himself up.

“Not looking good today, buddy.” He pushes some hair off Steve’s face.

“I’m fine! I had him on the ropes.”

“Sure ya did.” Bucky puts an arm around him. “Let’s pick up a pizza on the way home. Maybe one of those crappy sci-fi things you like will be on TV.”

“Yeah.” If Steve leans heavier than usual, Bucky doesn’t say anything and he certainly doesn’t squeeze Steve’s shoulders a little bit tighter.

 

###

 

Phil squeezes in the door right behind Steve. “Where do you want to sit today?”

“Back corner again.” Steve has made sure to wear shorts that won’t show in case he gets _excited_ again. He’d been alright after that first class, but they’re starting actual nudes today and Tony Stark had rather cheerfully volunteered to model first.

Steve swallows nervously as he watches the dark-haired man enter the class.

His eyes don’t leave the back of the lean form as he undresses but turn quickly downwards as Tony moves to the podium in the center of the classroom.

After a deep breath, Steve bites his lip and starts drawing.

When the class finally ends, Steve packs up and tries to sneak out quickly only to find his arm grasped by none other than Tony Stark.

“Your teacher says you’re pretty bad-ass. I wanna see what you do.”

“Uh…?” Is Steve’s ever-so-elegant reply.

“Your sketchbook?”

“Oh! Sure.” Steve fishes the book back out of his bag.

“Wow.” Tony starts to peek through it then pauses. “Can we get coffee? Uh. Once I have pants.”

“I guess?” Steve takes back the artbook while Tony dresses, trying to believe what just happened.

“Awesome. You and me are gonna talk portraits.”

 

### 

 

“He’s right, you know.” Natasha keeps flipping through the artbook while trying not to disturb Steve’s head on her knee.

“But this is Tony Stark. I’ve gotten… gotten… he made me… uh… that is…”

“He gave you a boner, huh?” She tries to hide the smirk.

Steve nods miserably. “And he’s, like, _everything_ while I’m just me. I’m going to embarrass myself horribly, aren’t I?”

“So, the usual?”

“Tash!”

“What do you want me to say?” She strokes his hair. “You don’t even know if he likes boys.”

“Well.” Steve pauses. “He did take me out for coffee?”

“To discuss business.”

“He kept touching my hand.”

“So does Clint when he wants attention.”

“But--”

“I just want you to be careful, _Styopa_.” Natasha frowns. “I’d rather not have to punch him in his million dollar nose.”

Steve sighs, looking up. “I think it was a lot easier when I was trying to convince us both I was straight.”

Natasha laughs. “No you don’t. You’re just tired of being the only single one. That’ll change. I promise.” She kisses his forehead.

“If I die a virgin, I’m blaming you.”


	5. Concerns

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Natasha and Bucky have some concerns of their own.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Don't worry, we'll have the three together again soon enough.

“Buck?” Natasha grabs his wrist and holds it up to reveal an arm covered in small bruises. “What’s with the bruises?”

“Oh. Uh. It’s nothing, really. Nebula likes it a little rough.”

“This is more than a little.” Her other hand moves over his arm. “Do we need to have the bad touch conversation?”

“It’s fine!”

“Has Steve seen these yet?”

Bucky hangs his head. “Uh, no.”

“He’s going to freak.” She practically throws his arm back at him. “He’s got enough with his mom dying, don’t you dare add to it.”

“I promise it’s fine and I promise I’ll explain it to him.”

“I swear, if you upset him.”

“Tash! Calm down! He’s fine.” Bucky takes a deep, calming breath. “He’s fine. I’m fine. But what’s wrong with you?”

She freezes.

“Tash…?”

She licks her lips and looks aside. “I’m late.”

“For what?”

“No. Bucky. I’m _late_.”

“La-- Oh.” It finally dawns on him. “Oh! Shit.Tash. Does Steve know? Does Clint?”

Natasha shakes her head. “How can I say anything? I’m not sure, yet. Maybe I’m just really late? And Steve, I can’t. We can’t.” Her eyes start to water.

Bucky pulls her into a tight hug and strokes her hair. “It’s okay. We’ll take care of it. We’ll all be just fine.”

 

###

 

“I just can’t believe he lets her do that.”

“Some people like it.” Tony shrugs. “Another coffee?”

“I’m fine.” Steve’s hands are still curled around his first cup, barely touched.

Tony looks him over. “Ya sure, kiddo?”

“Yeah.” He looks towards the window.

“Well, do you at least want a ride home?”

“No thanks.”

“Okay. Text me?” Tony ruffles Steve’s hair before heading out.

Steve returns his attentions to his luke-warm coffee.

“Do you want a fresh one?” A barista with curly blonde hair and a name tag reading ‘Peter’ asks.

“I’m okay.” Steve murmurs, trying not to stare into the attractive azure eyes looking at him.

“You sure? No charge.”

“Well--”

“Let me.” Peter goes to make the drink, returning quickly. His hands touch Steve’s as he gently takes away the cold cup and replaces it with the fresh one.

Steve blushes. “Thank you.”

“Hey, a sweet thing like you shouldn’t be left to suffer cold coffee.” Peter looks around and since the shop is mostly empty, he takes the seat next to Steve and offers his hand. “Peter Quill.”

Steve smiles and shakes it. “Steve Rogers.”

 

###

 

Normally, Clint and Natasha can devour an entire pizza in a single sitting. Bacon and onion, light sauce, extra cheese. After particularly hard workouts, they’ll order a second pizza (cheese with extra cheese) and demolish half of it, leaving the other half outside of Steve’s door. 

Clint polishes of his half of the pizza before realizing that Natasha’s not eating. She’s taken a few bites, poked some bacon around, but her lone slice still sits mostly untouched as she stares off into space instead of working on her Russian homework. He waves to get her attention.

“Hey.” He signs, “you okay?” She frowns and looks back down at her plate. “Hey.” He says, and switches to Russian. “ _Vy bol’ny?_ ”

“Your accent is terrible.” She says, smiling finally. 

“Deaf, remember?” Clint reminds her, reaching across the narrow table and brushing her hair out of her face. “Seriously, what’s up? You look like someone just killed your dog.”

“We don’t have a dog.” Natasha says, taking a bite of pizza to stall for time. 

“Do you ever think about kids?” She mumbles around the piece of crust, hoping perhaps he won’t understand. 

No such luck, Clint is an expert. “Kids?” He frowns thoughtfully. “Never really thought about it. I want them someday, I think?”

His frown deepens. “Of course, it’s likely any kids I have will be deaf. Genetically, about 50/50…” 

He breaks off to stare at Natasha. “Are you worried that we’d have Deaf children?”

Natasha freezes. “My god, Clint! No!” She sputters. “Our kids would be perfect. Just like you.” She practically throws herself into his lap, hugging him hard. They stay like that for a moment, pizza and homework forgotten. Natasha may be crying, but Clint knows better than to acknowledge it. 

“Our kids would be too adorable for words.” She says finally, discretely dabbing at her eyes. “But not until after college, right?” 

“Not until after college.” Clint agrees, kissing the top of her head. “Because our kids would be a fucking handful.”


	6. Worse

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A lot of bad news, and a little good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> We just couldn't do that to Natasha, you know we couldn't so we made her life a little easier, Which is good cause everything else is falling apart.

“Have you boys seen the paper today?” Natasha lets herself into their dorm room without even knocking and slaps a copy of the school paper on the table.

“What?” Steve looks up from his corner of the room, where he’d been working on a drawing.

Bucky picks up the paper. “Fuck!” He slams his hand down on the table. “Goddammit.”

“What?!” Annoyance coming through, Steve wanders over to see what they’re so upset about. Tony is on the front cover, two girls on his arm. Natasha’s neighbour Gamora, and Bucky’s girlfriend Nebula.

“Why?” Bucky says, slumping down to hide his face in his hands. “What did I do wrong?” he mumbles in between his fingers, as Steve puts a hand on his shoulder. 

“C’mon, Buck-” He starts, but Bucky shrugs him off. 

“No, Steve. Stop.” Bucky has tears in his eyes. “I did everything I could. I did everything for her. I’m just not good enough.”

Steve gives Bucky a stern look. “Don’t you dare say that.”

“I said it before.” Natasha says from behind them, pretending not to notice Bucky’s brimming eyes. “Nebula’s not good enough for our Bucky.”

“Guess I’m going to be having a discussion with my now-ex.” Bucky frowns and Steve wraps an arm around his waist. 

“Well, at least things didn’t get that far with me and Tony.” Yet Steve sounds regretful as he clings a little tighter to Bucky. Bucky hugs his thin friend back.

“I think this calls for Chinese food and bad monster movies.” Natasha puts a hand on each of their shoulders. “You deserve better than this.”

Bucky shakes his head, clinging a little tighter to Steve. “I don’t know. Maybe we can work things out? Maybe the press got it wrong. You know how they like to sensationalize these things.”

Natasha frowns. “Gamora gave me that paper. Do you want the details that came with it?”

“Details?” Steve’s eyebrows go up and he swallows hard.

“Gamora wasn’t the one who spent the night with Tony.”

Bucky pales, feeling sick. For once, it’s Steve supporting him. “She wouldn’t do that. I mean, she’s a little rough sometimes but we were - we ARE - happy.”

“Buck.” Steve is gentle, rubbing his back. “It’s okay.”

“No, it’s not. Apparently I’m disposable the second a rich asshole comes along.” Bucky pulls away, angry tears brimming.

“Buck.”

“I’m worthless. A one night stand is worth more than me!”

“Bucky!” Natasha slaps him. “Stop it. Her being a bitch doesn’t make you worthless. We love you. You don’t need her.”

Steve nods, frowning.

Bucky’s hand is on his cheek, rubbing it. “I’m not so sure.”

 

### 

 

His hands wrap around the coffee, and Steve sighs. The news about Tony is still heavy on him. Even if, somehow, the billionaire is bisexual and not straight he wouldn’t dare go near the man who slept with Bucky’s girlfriend.

God, poor Bucky.

The break up phone call had not gone well. Steve was glad he’d stayed in the dorm at least for that, but Bucky had asked for some alone time after and so Steve was now in his usual coffee shop with his usual coffee. He’d been hoping at least that nice Peter would be working, but he is nowhere in sight.

Just as he’s adjusted to the idea of being alone with his coffee, his phone begins to ring. Steve’s brow furrows. Who’d be calling him? He answers, the plastic of the screen cool against his skin. The news against his ear is far less soothing.

By the time the conversation is over, his hands are shaking so bad that he drops his phone onto the table. It takes him far longer than it should to text Natasha to come meet him there.

 

### 

 

Natasha is sure she must be having one of the worst days of her life. On top of being worried over Steve’s mom and her own potential health concern, she’s just had to break the hearts of both her best friends. And now she seems to be getting cramps.

Wait. _Cramps_.

She decides to pay a quick visit to the washroom. 

As she returns to her room, Natasha can’t help the stupid grin she’s wearing. She’s just so _bloody_ relieved. She’s considering going out to get some celebratory frozen yogert when she notices a text on her phone.

_Steve._

 

### 

 

Walking into the coffee shop, Natasha can see Steve is an island of silence in the midst of the busy cafe. It breaks her good mood, because just by the look on his face, she’s sure.

“Stevie?” She sits next to him and gently takes his hand.

Steve looks at her, his face crumpling into such anguish before he presses it against her shoulder and begins to cry. She wraps her arms around him, her heart breaking with him.

It takes him several minutes before he finally manages to sob out his troubles. “It’s ma. She’s. It’s.” He pauses, collects himself as much as he can. 

“Hush.” She whispers soothingly, one hand moving up to stroke his hair. “Take your time.”

Steve’s fingers dig into her shirt, gripping a handful of the material. “Ma’s been taken to the ICU. It… She.” He bites his lip, unable to continue.

Natasha just holds him tight, not saying anything. She’ll get him to the hospital once he’s calmed down. Until then, and after, she knows she’ll just have to be strong for him. Even if Mrs. Rogers has been like a second mother for Natasha, she just can’t cry yet. Not if she wants Steve to get through in one piece.


	7. Farewell

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> We say goodbye to Steve's mother.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Organ donation is a vital thing. In this chapter, a secondary character dies due to lack of a donor. Do your part. Sign yourself up as an organ donor.

Steve sits next to his mother, her hand clasped in both of his. Natasha watches over them both from against the wall, though she ducks out of the room when she hears the text notification go off on her phone. She checks. It’s Clint.

‘u ok? missed class’

She’s glad for the outlet, to escape the painful situation. ‘ICU w/ steve. not good’

‘wat he do now?’

‘not him. ma.’

‘D:’

‘respirator and everything. docs give her a week’

'can i help?'

'idk. feel useless' Natasha finds a chair to sit in as she keeps typing. ‘she's like a mom 2 me’

‘leave it 2 me’

An hour later, Clint shows up with a backpack containing a change of clothes, a sketchbook, and some pencils for Steve. He also has a chocolate bar for Natasha, and Bucky in tow.

Natasha manages a small smile, signs ‘perfect’ and hugs him a little too tightly

 

###

 

As the days pass, Steve stays at the side of the hospital bed and watches his mother deteriorate. When he’s not holding her hand, he’s drawing. Drawing her in all his favourite memories of her, drawing her as she is now, drawing her as she should be, as he wants her to be if she gets her transplant. 

His friends come and go, he’s never alone. They each take it in turn to sit with him, make certain he eats, to talk and read and sit with his mother. Even Peter stops by with a coffee and a hug when Natasha tells him about it.

The doctors at the hospital willingly write notes for Steve’s teachers to excuse him from classes for the week, and if he were to check his email, he’d see them all sending well wishes and telling him not to worry about assignments, just the readings. Everyone is sympathetic. Everyone is sorry.

Steve doesn’t want them to be sorry. He wants his ma to live.

She’s on a respirator. Her body is hardly able to get enough oxygen on it’s own. A week. The doctors didn’t think she’d last past the end of the week.

His mother always smiles for him, despite her fear and pain, despite the oxygen mask. Her hand is always on his hand or his cheek. It’s her thumb that wipes away his tears as they fall. 

“My beautiful boy, you’ve got such a heart. Such a heart. Keep living, keep loving.”

God takes her in her sleep. 

Bucky and Natasha are both with Steve when the call is made. They sandwich him between their bodies as if they could hold him together by keeping him pressed between them. He sobs openly and brokenly into Bucky’s shoulder.

 

### 

 

The funeral is small and intimate. 

Natasha and Bucky are sure to keep Steve between them. Neither have ever seen him seem so frail. Natasha keeps her arm around him almost as though she’s afraid he’ll fall. Even when they all go out for a lunch afterwards, she’s protective with hard eyes that dare anyone to do a damned thing to her Steve.

Clint knows better than to be jealous. Steve’s mother had been almost a second mother to all of them. This is Natasha’s way of mourning, becoming protective of what’s left. He doesn’t blame her. Even he’s feeling a little protective of him.

And Bucky? He might as well be stitched to Steve’s side. 

Peter has come along with them, new but still caring. He provides Steve with a lot of smiles and squeezes his hand whenever he’s able to get one away from Natasha and Bucky.

After, they all head to Natasha’s house. Her uncle hands Natasha a bottle of vodka, then he and her aunt inform them they’re going out for the night. Natasha thanks them, and turns to her friends with a sad smile.

“This is how we process grief.” She says before taking a swig of the bottle. 

Soon they’ve all got their alcohol of choice. Steve is nursing a beer on the couch with Peter sitting next him - now that he’s finally gotten Natasha and Bucky to let go - with an arm around his shoulder. It’s not too long before Steve falls asleep leaning against Peter, exhausted from his grief.

“Can he sleep somewhere?” Peter asks quietly, not wanting to disturb Steve.

Natasha nods. “Guest bedroom, I’ll show you.”

Peter carefully lifts Steve into his arms and follows her. The get Steve tucked into bed and wrapped in a large quilt. Both give Steve a kiss to the forehead before closing the door.

Back in the main room, Peter smiles a little awkwardly to the group. “I guess I’ll head out, since Steve’s down. You guys take care, right?”

“Wait.” Natasha moves forward quickly and gives him a hug. “Thank you.”

“Of course.” He gently pats her back before they pull apart. Then he heads out, a little confused.

Bucky is also confused and more than a little amazed. “The hell, Tash?”

“He really stepped up for Stevie. I like him.” She pauses, stealing the bottle out of Bucky’s hands. “Also? Vodka.”

She flips over the back of the couch and ends up sitting next to him. Bucky can’t help but laugh even with the somber day. “You’re going to spill the vodka.”

“The couch can mourn with us.” She nods.

Bucky shakes his head and steals the bottle back so he can have a swig. “I’m really going to miss her.”

Natasha steals it back. “Me too. Remember how she’d always pack Stevie a lunch twice the size he needed to make sure we got some too?”

“Or how she always just happened to be baking cookies when you came over?”

They share a sigh and pass the bottle back and forth again. It’s hard to say who starts crying first, each would swear it was the other. But when Clint finally gets off from his TA job that night and stops in, he finds the pair of them passed out on top of each other with the empty bottle of vodka sitting on the floor.


	8. Firsts and Lasts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Everyone finds their own way of dealing with grief. This include Steve going on a date with Peter.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A little burst of sad and happy for you.

“How are you doing?” Peter smiles at Steve while handing him his usual coffee. They sit down together at one of the tables outside the cafe, Steve is drawing and Peter is taking his break.

“I miss her.” Steve admits as he spins the coffee in his hands. “But I think it’s starting to get better.”

Peter nods and gives Steve a warm smile. “Would it help if I took you to a movie on Friday?”

The small blonde looks up at his friend. “Like a date?”

“Exactly like a date.” Peter leans in and kisses Steve’s cheek. “Think about it. I gotta get back to work.”

“Peter.” Steve’s hand touches his as he starts to get up. “Yes. I’ll come.”

The barista grins as he heads back to work. He even starts singing to himself.

 

### 

 

Natasha tapes up the box and sets it aside. She’d volunteered to help Steve pack up his mother’s house, everything either being sold or given to charity. Once they’ve emptied it, Steve plans to sell the house and keep the money in a savings account to use against school and for the future. They all know his mom would want him to use it for his own family, someday.

Someday, such a heavy word. Natasha sighs. She wonders if Steve ever will have a family, if he’ll settle down with a nice boy, if they’ll adopt? Or maybe she could play surrogate for them. There’s certainly a part of her that still wouldn’t mind having Steve’s babies. Well, when she isn’t having her own babies with Clint. In the far distant future.

Far, far distant. 

She shakes her head at herself as she starts a new box, carefully wrapping and packing Mrs. Rogers’ fine china. Steve would want to keep it. It had been his great grandmother’s. Natasha probably knows this house and its contents as well if not better than Steve does. It was the place she would come to when she needed to feel safe and home wasn’t. A large part of it had been Mrs. Rogers.

And now it was gone. Soon to be sold off as if it hadn’t been an important place to all of them through their highschool years. 

The doorbell rings, and Natasha pushes herself to her feet to go and let Clint inside. They work in mostly silence for another hour, Natasha occasionally pausing in her work to explain to Clint the emotional significance of the trinket he’s packing. 

“This place was really important to you guys, wasn’t it?” Clint says, setting down the music box he was wrapping and heading across the room to lean over Natasha. She leans into him with a sad smile, glad to feel safe in his arms. 

“It was the first place I really felt at home when I moved to the States. Mrs. Rogers didn’t care that Steve dragged home a grumpy little Russian girl, she just set me another place at the table and made sure there were always fresh sheets in the guest room.” She sighs and snuggles into Clint. 

“She is … was the kind of mom I want to be someday.” Clint nods in understanding. 

“Someday.” He repeats, kissing the top of her head. “Now come on, let’s finish this box and go get a pizza.” 

 

### 

 

Although he hates to admit it, Bucky is still having a hard time getting over Nebula. He had thought he’d been so happy with her. Sure, sometimes things were a little rough in the bedroom, but they were good in the bedroom, too. It hurt that she not only cheated on him but did so publicly. 

And now, he feels like he can’t even mourn for his relationship because of Steve’s mom. Not that he hadn’t loved her, but he felt by being sad for one thing it cheapened the other.

He needs both out of his system. Steve would find a fight, why couldn’t he? Where were the jerks making fun of his arm when he really needs to hit something?

Bucky sighs. Nothing is as simple as it should be. He could use more vodka with Nat. Or pizza and beer with Steve. Or maybe he’ll just skip his classes in the morning and get a few extra hours of sleep. Life has been hard lately for all of them, but someone has to keep it together. Bucky just isn’t sure how they decided it would be him.

 

### 

 

As they leave the movie hand in hand, Peter smiles at Steve and invites him over to his apartment. Steve agrees.

It’s a small one bedroom, but it’s nice. The floors are a bit scratched up, but Steve soon learns the reason for that.

“This is my pet, Rocket.” The raccoon twists and squirms, clearly not as tame as Peter seems to think it is. “I’m focusing on mammalian anatomy for my biology major.”

Steve nods politely. Rocket hisses. Peter can tell he’s uncomfortable so leads him back to the bedroom.

“Sorry. Don’t let him bother you.” They both sit on the bed and the Peter leans in. He puts his hand on Steve’s neck and soon they’re kissing. Steve quickly opens his lips as Peter’s tongue presses against them, and his arms are around Peter’s waist as he finds himself pulled onto his lap.

A hand smooths down Steve’s spine to gently cup his ass. Steve is becoming aroused by the contact but it’s too much for him, too fast. “Peter, please stop.”

And, to his credit, Peter does stop. “What’s wrong?”

“I’m not ready for this.” Steve shakes his head, a blush forming. “I’m sorry. You’re amazing but I need to slow down.”

“Of course.” Peter smiles and wraps his arms around Steve in a warm hug, a kiss going to his temple.


	9. Beginning of the End

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> For many, spring is a time of new beginnings. For our crew, it seems to be a time of endings.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Sorry for lack of updates. science_weasels and I both started new jobs and have been a bit busy. But we're getting back into the groove of life and updates shall happen! We will not abandon our loves/readers!

Steve twists the pencil around in his hands. He’s waiting. Tony is supposed to be meeting him today so they can finish the sketches for the portrait he’s hired Steve to do. They haven’t seen each other for a while, not since before the newspaper article. Steve really hopes he’ll be able to stay professional and not bring up anything personal, but who knows what Tony will do.

“Stevie! How’s my favourite artist?” Tony grins as he wanders over to the table with a coffee.

Managing a thin smile, Steve nods politely. “Tony. Hey. I’m… Well, it’s been better.”

“Yeah. I heard about your mom. I’m sorry.” There’s that smile that had once won Steve’s affections. “Let me know if I can help with anything, yeah?”

“It’s. I’m fine.” Steve shrugs and pulls out his sketch book.

“You sure?”

“Yeah. Why don’t you focus on posing so I can get a few more sketches in.”

They sit in silence for a while, with only the scratching of Steve’s pencil and the occasional sip of coffee as interruption.

After about half hour, Tony can’t take the silence any more. “Why are you pissed?”

“Excuse me?” Steve pauses mid-sketch and looks up.

Tony makes a face. “You’ve never been this quiet. Why are you mad at me?”

“It’s not important. Let’s get this done.” The artist tries to continue but Tony pulls the sketch book down.

“No. Tell me.”

“You slept with my best friend’s girlfriend.” Steve’s lips are tight and he stares at Tony.

Tony’s eyes are wide, but he clearly knows who Steve is referring to. “Hey, it was just a one time thing. I didn’t even know she was with anyone until after.” His hands are up defensively.

Steve stands, his small hands slamming on to the table. “It doesn’t matter. You were flirting with me the whole time like I had a chance, but now I see what sort of guy you really are.”

From the counter of the shop, Peter looks up and sees the situation escalating. He quickly finishes with his current customer and calls a coworker over to take his place.

The billionaire also stands. “The hell? I didn’t know. About you or him.”

“You could’ve! It’s not like any of this was secret. But all you care about is you and your-” Steve is cut off as Peter comes up behind him and puts his hands on both shoulders.

“Problem, gentlemen?”

Tony looks at Peter. “No. It’s fine. I was just leaving. Steve? Forget about the commission. I don’t need it.”

WIth that, he leaves and Steve sighs, putting a hand over one of Peter’s on his shoulder.

“I’m off in an hour.” Peter lightly kisses Steve’s cheek. “I’ll get you another coffee. Wait here for me.”

 

###

 

“Tash, look! I got my letter!” Clint proudly holds the paper up for her after bursting into her dorm room.

Natasha rolls her eyes. “Of course you did. Who else is going to teach archery like you?”

“Not you.” He grins and flops on her bed, noticing that her letter is on the bedside table. “Arts and crafts? Did you really apply to Mooseknuckle to teach art?”

“Musinocka.” Though she’s not sure why she tries. “Yes. I wanted a change. I’ve been practicing with Stevie.”

Clint signs his name and makes a face. “Bad influence.”

“Best friend.” She pushes him over on the bed so she can lay next to him. She signs his name and silently asks him to not be so jealous of Steve.

Clint makes another face.  "If I didn't know you so well, I'd be jealous." He signs at her, adjusting his hands so she can see them from her spot on the bed.

"You mean if you didn't realize that Steve was so gay?" Natasha nudges him with her shoulder. “I love him Clint, not like I love you, but he’s my brother. He’ll always be a part of my life. Just like you.” 

"Or that." He concedes, leaning over to peck her cheek.  "It's enough to give a guy a complex."

"You can't seriously still be threatened by Steve, can you?" Natasha asks, propping herself up on her elbow to look at her boyfriend. "You could knock him over with a feather."

Clint doesn't reply, but there's a momentary flicker of anxiety on his face. "You are very close." he signs, quick and small in the hopes that she won't catch his meaning.

 "Steve and I have been through hell and back." Natasha reminds him, grabbing his hand and squeezing it. "But you're the one I come home to. Always." She leans over and kisses the tip of his nose.

 

###

 

It isn’t until he hands over the keys of the house that it truly hits Steve. The house he’s grown up in is gone. Most of the furniture and items have been sold off, with just a few prized possessions kept either in his dorm or temporary storage.

It all leaves him feeling a bit sick.

Bucky’s hands pulls him away, turn him toward the sidewalk and an unknown future. The money from the house is put into a trust for Steve, as per his mother’s will, that he’ll have no access to until he’s 25 except for a predetermined monthly living allowance. It should be enough to have a little put aside for medical expenses, but still isn’t a lot.

Steve decides this probably means he should take on more art commissions, maybe consider a part time job if he wants spending money. They’ve never been rich but it’s certainly different now that he’s alone. He just worries that it will take away from his time for art.

Steve frowns. There are far too many choices now, and his ma isn’t around to give him advice anymore.

He misses her terribly.

But the weight of Bucky’s arm is reassuring. It reminds him he’s not alone even now, and that he probably never will be.


	10. Growing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The year winds down and we bleed start thinking about the future.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ugh. Sorry this has taken bloody forever. Life suddenly went all "XP" at me. Year 3 of this verse will begin in the not too distant future. Just give me/us some time to write a few chapters ahead. ;) Until then, (re)read year two (where we started this whole adventure) and try to guess which characters from years one and two will make a reappearance in three! 
> 
> Thank you to everyone for reading this senseless silly slice of life story. Maybe someday we'll have a real plot.

Bucky takes a moment to wonder if Steve has some sort of power that enables him to track down all the creeps in the world. This pair are making exaggerated fake sign language at a poor girl who looks about to break into tears.

Clearly Steve is having none of that. He walks up and punches one square in his nose.

Suddenly, they become two big guys making fun of the shrimp and his gimpy friend who think they’re tough guys.

Yeah, Bucky isn’t putting up with that kind of shit either.

One nice thing about fighting assholes is that they don’t actually realize just how useful Bucky’s prosthetic can be. 

It’s a quick fight, these bullies are more bluster than actual problem. The girl signs a quick ‘thank you’ so Steve replies ‘you’re welcome’ using some of the little sign he knows.

It earns him a kiss on the cheek and a warm smile before the girl leaves.

“Man, always you.” Bucky huffs and crosses his arms.

 

### 

 

It’s that raccoon again. Steve would be lying if he said he wasn’t terrified of it. Yet Peter adores it, treats it as though it were a kitten or something. It’s just another of the many things that stands between them having a healthy relationship.

“Peter. I. Look.” Steve shakes his head, closing his eyes. “You want things from this relationship. Things I’m not prepared to give yet. I’m sorry. It’s not fair to you. I. I think we should split up.”

“Steve.” Peter takes Steve’s hands in his as they sit together on the bed, that damned raccoon shrieking in the next room. “I understand. Maybe we can try again in the future?”

That makes Steve smile, though it does feel hollow. “I hope so. Thank you. I’m sorry.”

They kiss one last time and part as friends.

 

### 

 

“Bucky and I are getting an apartment. You want in?” Steve’s head is in Natasha’s lap as they watch a film together. Her fingers comb through his hair slowly.

She snorts. “Of course I do. Where are you looking?”

“Near school. We’ll probably go for a two-bedroom place. You can have one while Buck and I share the other.”

Natasha raises her eyebrows. “And what happens when he gets a girlfriend? Or you a boyfriend?” 

Steve shrugs. “Well, this year we mostly went to their place.”

“You know Clint’s going to come over.”

“Of course.”

“Staying over.”

“Obviously.”

“And Bucky’s okay with it?” She knows what the answer will likely be but she still wants to hear it.

Steve shrugs again. “That’s what he said.”

“Well. Okay then.”

Steve rolls over so he can look up at her. “Tash, do you think it’ll get better?”

“Of course it will, Stevie.” Natasha gives him a reassuring smile and strokes his cheek. “Just keep your scrawny ass out of the hospital and we’ll be okay.”

“I’ll do my best.”

“Good. Now shut up. This is the best bit.”

 

### 

 

_Adopted._

Loki glares at the word on the page of his diary. It looks alone. Unwanted.

He rips the page out and tears it to pieces. He denounces its existence, rejects it. The tiny scraps of paper fall around him like snow.

Loki bites down on his wrist in order to keep his scream from escaping.

He has no idea how he’ll manage the summer, much less starting university in the fall.


End file.
